Nostril Burner or Fertilizer?

This morning my Facebook page reminded me of this friendship bracelet. It brought me back to the moment I received it and it triggered a childhood memory. I was in Costa Rica for a 10 day trip. One of the days we went to this little souvenir shop where we all got food and some people shopped for things. I was waiting to do my souvenir shopping on the last day so I went back to the bus after I ate. Next thing I know, the my trip roommates get on the bus and hand me this bracelet. I remember feeling surprised but happy that they had thought of me. This was very special to me. I didn't understand it at the time, but this was one of those rare occasions in my life where I actually felt like I was part of the group, where I actually felt accepted.

The memory triggered some tears because it reminded me of being a little girl. Growing up, especially in elementary school, I never fit it. I felt excluded, like a weirdo, an outcast. I was weird. I still am, the difference is I accept it now, but kids can be cruel and I felt it. I've always been very sensitive so it would really hurt me when people were mean. I was very innocent, naive, and my mom still picked out my clothes so, as one of my friends so politely put it, "you looked like a dweeb". Damn. I had no idea that's how people thought of me, but now it makes sense. My mom bought me the most ridiculous clothes and because I didn't care or had any sense of fashion, I just wore it. I look back at old photos now and I can see how I got picked on, but when you're a child, you don't understand those things and you just feel like there is something wrong with you. I remember some girls excluding me from their little "clubs". I would cry because it hurt and because I didn't understand why they didn't want me to be a part of it. It made me feel like there was something wrong with me. Maybe there was, but I was a child and a sensitive one at that. Being called a "crybaby" or "too sensitive" were things I had heard far too often. When you hear that repeatedly, you do start to wonder if there is actually something wrong with you.

So for the first time, I guess, I was part of the "club". Maybe for the first time, I felt like there wasn't something wrong with me. I felt accepted and not only that, I felt wanted. THEY had thought of me when they were picking these out. I wasn't even nearby, but they included me in their thoughts. This is why this moment was so special to me. This is why I hold these friendships near and dear to my heart.

I am grateful for this moment and this memory. I am even grateful for the mean girls who excluded me, picked on me, or made me feel less than. I hated them then, but it taught me how to be compassionate and have empathy for others. That pain made my heart expand. I am able to hold space for other people now and I genuinely care when someone is feeling down.

We all learn from our experiences. Life is going to hand us some crappy cards at times, but what are you going to do with that crap?

It reminds me of this quote I used to have up on my fridge:

"Shit happens, but it's up to you to use it as a nostril burner or a fertilizer"

We can't control what life hands us. We can't control how other people treat us or even when they hurt us. You either let that get you down for the rest of your life, or you grow from it. I didn't want to be sad and feeling sorry for myself forever. I did not want other people to have the power over how I felt about myself. Step one was learning to accept myself completely, sensitivities, weirdness and all. When I did, the Universe blessed me with people I could relate to, who loved and accepted me for who I am. For that, I can only be grateful.

SELF LOVE TIP #1: IT ALL STARTS WITH YOU

Have you ever wondered why you sometimes snap at other people only to realize it has nothing to do with other people at all? How do you talk to yourself? Do you put yourself down or beat yourself up when you make mistakes? Emotions can be tricky; it's important to be compassionate and forgiving when we make mistakes. This is the first step to self love - learning to love and forgive ourselves despite the occasional slip ups.

Self-love is something everybody has heard about by now. Some people are over hearing about it, others are wondering how to heck to do it! In a society that is constantly comparing themselves to others and consistently striving for delusional perfection, I honestly believe that it is a MUST to make self-love a part of your daily habits. Yes, I said habits, just like brushing your teeth or taking a shower, it should be considered self-maintenance.

Why? Because it all comes down to you.

Now, I'm not expert on the topic, but I have learned quite a bit since I started my "self-love journey" about 3 years ago. One thing that really helped me was looking at things from a third-person perspective.

Think about how you would talk to someone you really love. If they came to you with a problem and shared with you their most vulnerable stories, what would you say to them? If a friend told you about something they did that they regret or feel ashamed for, how would you talk to them? Are you using the same kindness and compassion you use with them to speak to yourself? If you aren't, try to use the same strategy by pretending you are your friend that is sharing their story.

Just like with any new habit, it will take consistent practice to make it almost effortless. Acknowledge how you feel and hold yourself accountable for your contribution, then be loving and compassionate so you can take the necessary steps to do better in the future. Don't give up if you don't get it right away. If you see yourself going down a dark path of negative self-talk, bring yourself back to a place of love and kindness. Try this for a few days and see how you feel.

When Emotions Are Your Superpower

I woke up feeling inspired today in honor of international women’s day. I was so excited and honored when I found out. I felt like celebrating every woman in my life or who has ever been a part of my life journey. Their presence, love, and version of femininity have inspired me to want to discuss my opinion on the importance and value of being a woman. My intention is to encourage us to embrace our feminine energy and emotions by shedding light on the impact it can have on the people around us.

This morning, I got the idea of posting a live video on Instagram to share some inspiration to the women in my life. I was super excited, got ready, made my coffee and almost didn’t post anything because I started getting super nervous. People that know me know I’m a “behind-the-scenes” kind of girl and that I always feel awkward in front of a camera. I started thinking “what if people don’t like it” or “what if people try and fight me on it”, but I knew that was just resistance. I took the time to sit down and ask myself why I felt inspired to make a video in the first place. I realized that I didn’t always feel like being a woman was a celebration and now that I do, maybe what I had to say would be of value to somebody else.

I believe this influence is so important and necessary because, generally and stereo-typically speaking, women are considered more sensitive and emotional than men. I know for me this was and is still true but I didn’t always have the easiest time accepting it. Growing up I was considered a “tomboy”. I wasn’t trying to be a boy, I just didn’t want to be restricted. I didn’t understand why sports were just catered to boys or that blue was considered a “boy color” even though it was my favorite color. I was confused by the labels because I was a girl and I liked “boy things”. I wanted to be allowed to like what I liked and I was confused by the disapproval.

On top of that I was also very sensitive and emotional which was considered a “girl thing”. I had a lot of feelings, most of which I didn’t understand. In my mind I adopted the belief that my emotions only caused me problems. I felt confused by my emotions because sometimes they felt really intense and I wanted them to “go away”. As I got older I learned to “cope” with them but I really think I just tucked them away subconsciously because I didn’t want to be seen as weak.

At one point I dated a guy who told me that I was “too emotional” and I developed the belief that there was something wrong with me. Throughout the entire time we dated, I felt major anxiety and when we broke up I actually felt a sense of relief. I believe that because I had a hard time accepting myself as I was, he was unable to accept me as well. It was then that I understood the idea that you have to “love yourself first before you can love anyone else”. In reality, I think learning to love ourselves sets the standard for how we give and receive love. In my case, I had allowed myself to believe I was “too much to handle” making myself unable to see the strength in my sensitivity.

It was a conversation with my friend Steve that allowed me to see the strength in my emotions. He said to me “your emotions are your superpower” and I had to stop and think about it for a while. I realized he was right to a certain extent and I contemplated the idea of emotions being a superpower. I realized that thanks to my sensitivity and emotions, I was able to relate to people around me. I also realized that IF I had an actual superpower, I would have to learn how to harness it. So I began doing research, reading books, and changing habits. With time and practice, I started to embrace my sensitivity. I learned to accept, appreciate, and understand my emotions and began to see them as a gift. A gift that I now knew I had a responsibility to understand.

I started by questioning my emotions, not in a judgmental way, but with curiosity. I realized if I wanted to be understood, I had to understand myself first and if I wanted to be loved and accepted, it had to start with me. I started to realize that I SET THE TONE for how people would react to my energy. Understanding my internal “wiring” became my primary concern. Once I was able to understand the way I “function”, I noticed everything around me got a little easier and I believe it was because understanding myself made it less confusing for everyone else to understand me because I was able to clearly communicate what and why I felt how I did.

Thank god I went through that process, because I believe that was only the beginning. Even though I had made tremendous progress, I still had a lot more work to do. It wasn’t until my current relationship that I realized this was only the beginning of me learning to FULLY embrace my feminine side. When I got with my boyfriend, I realized how much of a “girl” I truly was or rather, how necessary it was for me to learn to embrace “being a girl”. In my perception of reality I had accepted that being feminine just wasn’t “me”, even though at some point dresses and lipstick made me feel confident. The truth is I had gotten comfortable and I took “loving myself as is” to the extreme. I stopped wearing make up, doing my hair and I didn’t really care how I looked. I had learned to love and accept myself completely and I expected everyone to see me for who I was.

In reality I was actually neglecting the part of me that wanted to embrace my femininity (although I didn’t know that’s what was happening at the time). I was reminded of being a little girl and how before my favorite color was blue, I actually loved pink. My mom would actually dress me up in cute little outfits, tights, and bows and I was actually super girly. Low-key, I wanted to do it now that I was an adult but there was still a part of me that resisted because in my mind “it wasn’t me”. I had to be really honest with myself and admit that physically embracing my femininity actually gave me confidence and that it was okay to admit that. I also realized I was in the beauty industry and that, not only was I making a bad impression on my clients, but I knew the importance and impact of enhancing external beauty because I know what it does for the women in my chair. The quote “when you look better, you feel better” came to mind and I realized I was no different. The only difference was that I had been depriving myself of that opportunity because of my own preconceived notions of “who” I felt I was.

This bring me to my next point, which is the idea of embracing duality. All my life I felt like I had to pick and choose the sides of me that I liked and hide the sides I didn’t. Now I know that learning to fully embrace every side of my personality has really allowed me to step into my personal power. Stepping into my personal power has allowed me to understand the greater picture of life and why I believe, as women, we have a beautiful gift to offer the world.

One of the major turning points for me seeing the value of being a women was when my boyfriend told me that “it takes a great woman to make a great man”. I guess I expected him to say the famous “behind every great man is a great woman” quote, but what he said rang even more true. I thought to myself “It really does take a good woman to raise a good man, especially since the first woman in any man’s life is his mother.” Not everyone has the privilege of having a mother present in their lives, but thankfully life allows for many other opportunities to learn from feminine influences such as teachers, sisters, partners or any other female figures in a person’s life.

I also understand that it is not always easy being a “sensitive creature” and that it can be challenging to take on that role. But there is beauty and power in embracing that side of ourselves. For me, embracing my femininity has allowed me to step into Goddess energy and be more confident in my personal power. I am still loving, kind, patient, and compassionate, but I am also not shy to speak my mind. I know that if I am to get what I want, I need to communicate it. In order to communicate, I have to understand my needs, desires, and emotions, but, most importantly, my values. So don’t think that just because you are loving and kind you are allowing people to walk all over you. You have to set boundaries. Like I mentioned before, you set the tone for how you allow others to treat you.

That being said, I wanted to emphasize the importance of allowing your feminine side to be seen. I believe it is our duty as women to share that tenderness and love with the people around us because that energy can help shift a situation. In the case of a child struggling in school, the most productive approach is to be patient, supportive, encouraging, and understanding. When a person struggles, the last thing they want is for someone else to confirm or reaffirm the beliefs that they already have about themselves (such as “I can’t learn”.) Sometimes all we have to do is believe in the people around us in order for them to believe in themselves.

Be the catalyst for change. Remember, your energy is contagious.

What will you do with your “superpower”?